Elusive...

My spirit flutters its wings noisily, restless under the numerous chains of doubt hindering its flight. When can i break open the shackles which lie between me and unbounded freedom..estatic happiness..the mellow warm feeling of contentment and achievement..Aahh achievement..this word so elusive...its limits so deceptive..its expanse so far-stretched like the horizons of the sea..we grope around in the darkness to get a touch of its dazzling light...to hold the sense of achievement in our fist only to find it drifting away from our reach like clouds of smoke..why does the human spirit with its uninhibited enthusiasm seeks goals beyond its reach, spins brilliant dreams which make It feel exhasuted and subdued...why do we feel we can grow the wings of talent and labour to beat the mounting deadlines, to suppress the monotony, to race past all the bars placed on the track...only to find we are a lil past where we started.
Why does the light at the end of the tunnel look so alluring and unknown..why cant i find a reasonable goal for myself? why cant i find an unreasoanble one which will not look unworthy once i reach it?

I look at the setting sun from the lonely beach..where is the other end of the sea....Should I set sail in search of some other anchor? Or, should I take off for the night sky, to go pluck out the twinkling stars and sprinkle them over the water ripples...?

Can i come back to this safe known coastline?

Humbled...

Sometimes there are days when the most unassuming people leave an indelible mark in your memory..they leave you thinking....they leave you humbled...but I never did imagine that one simple expression of a person would change my outlook towards people forever...

One such day happened when I used to work in the millers road facility of my office...those were the times when the study phase of our project had turned out to be longer than the implementation phase [:D] and we were under tremendous pressure to deliver on time.....every evening at around 5:30pm, I used to go for a walk till Sigma Mall which had just newly opened then..I had made it a daily ritual to have a cup of steamed corn, with or without company..this walk and refreshment was a welcome break from work and gave me time to think over my days work..

That day had partcularly been tiring as i had skipped lunch...I ordered corn and a chocolate milk shake and a bhelpuri, one after the other...on the way back, stopped by a provisions store and impulsively got a chocolate bar...skipping lunch gives u that psychological edge to pamper your hunger with all the goodies life has to offer, specially chocolates....

After settling down in office, i felt my stomach churn...a sudden surge of pain started right from my guts and raced upwards..I couldn't move nor breathe......my colleagues had retired to their dens to work, like meeting rooms where they could not be disturbed..The other cubes around my workspace was vacant, as everyone around my area was in Korea..I felt choked and felt the urgency to throw up...it was a severe attack of food-poisoning....I then spotted an office boy pass by, stopped him, gave him a 100 bucks note and asked him to buy me eno and pudinhara pills from the medical store nearby..His face turned sympathetic at once and reflected the pain I was going through..he was back in less than fifteen mins with the ordered items..

I gave him the most grateful smile I could manage...he came back with a glass of water while I was tearing apart the sachets...after around 10 mins, i felt my strength rushing back and the cramps disappear...suddenly it occured to me that i hadnt even thanked the office boy who had run the errand for me...

"How are you feeling Madame?"....I heard a timid shy voice behind me...I turned back to find the office boy..i thanked him and pushed fwd the change, which was lying on the desk, saying "For you..buy some sweets"...his expression immediately changed to one of utter dismay.....he nodded his head vehemently, and walked away...leaving me gaping at the change with which i had tried to express my gratitude for his genuine concern...Can such little acts of humanity be repaid by extending some odd cash?

I will forever remain indebted to this selfless person who helped me in my hour of instense pain and helpnessness...This incident brought two important changes in my life..changed my outlook towards office boys and other support staff more than ever...and I have started detesting steamed corn....the mere sight of it repulses me..

Tumhaaraa time time, aur humaara time kuch bhee nahi? :(

I hate people who try to barge in before the other people waiting in a queue already. This shameful act is so insulting to others who have spent anything between 5 minutes to half an hour waiting. As in, are we foooolllsss, who have spent our time in the queueu, following some discipline? What gives you the shamefulness to disregard other people's time and just value yours urgently? Were u a VIP to proudly make your appearnace? How can you nod at your friend silently in the queue and join it, pushing the other people behind?

Today in the cafetaria, i saw one smart-ass approaching the queue for breakfast grinning at his friend, who immediately pushed himself backward to give the smiling-idiot some space. I felt something choke me. I clenched my teeth, instructing myself to let it just go. But my anger got the better of me.

Me (trying to keep my face straight and my voice soft) : "Excuse me! Can you please follow the queue???" (##$%$%%#!^&^*****)

Smiling idiot (taken aback for a split second): "Err..Umm..Oh actually I had been waiting few minutes back and I have rejoined".

Me (not convinced and this time find myself shrugging my shoulders and raising my eyebrows): "So?????"

Smiling Idiot dint know what to do. He continued to stand where he was, and I turned away with an oh-no-use-talking-to-you-incorrigible-fools expression. But the silence which followed our short exchange was weird (:D). I failed to notice that now there were other people specially ladies who were now glaring at the smiling idiot, who was no longer smiling but nervous under the stares. After some 3 minutes, he left and rejoined the queue at its rear. Good for him!!! People may think I was rude to correct him but then, I have no regrets.

Stray thoughts from Maldives to Bollywood to Army...

The rich turquoise of the tranquil sea, the pale greens of its coral growth lining, the dull whites and browns of the beach sand, the crimson of the evening sky reflecting on the waves, the viviacious reds-yellows-oranges of the happy tourists on its atolls, and the inexplicable serenity full of these lovely colors which sweeps over me whenever i chance upon any picture of this heavenly abode....so secluded and free of the maddening din of the city......If a mere glance of the pictures of Maldives could give me such a heavenly feeling of being in a paradise, I cant help wonder what the atolls and the sea will do to me if I actually land there!!! and feel the skin of my bare feet sinking in the fine-grained beach sand, feel my hair dancing to the tunes of the fresh sea-side breeze, feel the soulful music of the waves lashing mightily on the coast, feel the never-ending expanse of the deep blue-green-indigo of the Ocean....and feel myself so close to everything which is simple, clean, pure and so close to divinity...A dream holiday like this could be so healing....

A look at the sky-rocketing prices of the Resorts there are enough to give a rude jolt to my dreams of holidaying there....the lovely water resort in the Kurumbha island of Maldives has water villas with a private pool and real privacy and the most breath-taking scenic beauty...and demands a wallet parameter of twenty-four thousand in INR per night...and could be even more in peak season....

Oh God, I envy Kareena who has been recently gifted a diamond ring worth 1 crore and a holiday in Goa by a chartered private jet...rather I envy Saif who can at any point of time take off on his private jet to MALDIVES with amrita-rosa-kareena or any gorgeous lady he picks up (how does it matter)....gosh!! the rich-and-the-famous in Bollywood need not nervously weigh the heart-attack inducing hotel prices..and what did i hear!!...even a sidee and a comedian like Rajpal Yadav in Bollywood demands 50lakhs-1 crore for a few days of shooting....50 lakhsssss!!!...thats the price for which a salaried professional in Bangalore sweats his entire life to buy a 2 bedroom flat in the suburbs...

For the past few weeks...the Mallyas-Zintas-Wadias-Khans have been hogging the news..I hear the bids for our cricket players in the IPL...6 crores to Mahendar Singh Dhoni for playing few matches..for a game which you can lose..as in you can always say "It was a team effort- the boys played well..blah blah...we have lost...but we put up a brave fight....blah blah"....and get paid such a huge huge sum..as in I know the Indian skipper has slogged hard for where he is now..BUT 6 crores!! doesnt everyone work hard to get a sum which is a miniscule fraction of the fee which he demands..sorry commands!!!...and every Indian player after the recent Australia tour has been given a prize sum of 58 lakhs over and above thier match fee...WHAT...58 lakhs...Yuvraj was gifted 1 crore for his 6 sixes in the recent 20-20 world cup...a whoooping 1 crore as a gift from some state govt or central govt.....they get their much deserved credit in the instant stardom which they are blinded with...the fame and the love of their millions of fans in the world..the 3 or 5 crore cheques handed to them by their brand endorsements.....their match fees amounting to several millions..

They are players giving the masses some solid entertainment with their game...and they are gifted flats from Sahara and huge prize money from the Government.....do they deserve these hefty cheques more than others who fight but dont play for India?? They are cricketers....they are NOT soldiers who die fighting on the borders..they are not the Army Lieutenants who have just come back after witnessing bloodshed on the field or the ordinary Jawan who lays down his life for the country, leaving behind a grieving mother or a stone-struck wife...For what!!! for us to not even remember their names..leave aside the money..do we even remember them like we remember Shahrukh or Dhoni!!!!!!!!!! They din provide us those few hours of cricket-or-movie watching entertainment...they merely gave up their lives for our security..