Irrepressible Expectations

When you love a person with all your heart, you want to do your bit to make him or her happy. When that person is in  pain, it hurts you equally-if not more.You go the extra mile to do special things for the person. Doing "special" things for that person involves time and effort, and you inconvenience yourself. But then that does not matter. To see a loved one smiling and that too because of you -gives you a lot of happiness and contentment in return.

In doing all these things, somewhere in some unknown corners of your mind and heart, silent expectations start brewing- expectations of similar things from the loved person. You convince youreslf that your love is unconditional and selfless. But can anything be self-less? Losing your own sense of "self" in your love for the person would mean trampling over your own feelings, thoughts and your own well-being. Yet, you are very sure that your feelings for the person are selfless. What you dont realise is that nothing ever can be totally devoid of your "self". And what you dont also realise is that in your subconscious, you are already harbouring lovely expectations of your love being requited in the same manner from that person.

When you type in a lovely message to the perosn over phone painstakingly thinking of rhyming lines and creating your own poetry of love, you somewhere want to be appreciated and be loved back. That person smiling on reading the message does give you happiness, but that is not enough. You want a reaction!

You spend a whole week planning a lovely smashing surprise for the upcoming birthday of that special person. Four months later, its your own birthday. Your expectations of being felt special from that very person creep up.

Expectations are clever little things. They will lie dormant inside your seemingly selfless self, and then pop up their demanding heads at the right time. If they are not met, what follows is hearbreak, tears and immense pain. Every love given always expects a fraction of that love, if not equal or more, to be taken back. No love can be unconditional, according to me.