Each day makes a difference..

2009-12-27T21:30:00.000-08:00

10 things about myself.........

I have been forwarded this chain link a lot of times- to write 10 things about myself..everyone around seems to have finsished doing it..heres my chance...

1) If you are the adventurous sort who believes in trying something new everytime, beware of me..I order the same everytime I go to my favourite ice-cream parlour, I order the same dishes everytime I visit any restaurant, etc. I am hesitant to try new flavours. I stick to the old favourites, even though I know any new thing cud be better.

2) I usually dont loose my cool..but once I do, chances are I wil scrap your name/no from my friends list. I may forgive, but I never do forget the slightest betrayals.

3) I hate hypocrites and extremely diplomatic people. I once noticed a friend in hi school who smiled at me sweetly, and made a face at me nodding at an adjoining person the instant I turned away. This image has haunted me, and I can tell a hypocrite by his gestures and expressions.

4) I appreciate people who can make others laugh- so much that sometiems I envy the skill. I love the company of people who can crack spontaneous jokes out of any situation.

5) I love watching movies and television. I can watch any movie in a theatre - however boring, and yet never regret the time wasted or the money spent. I love cinema in any form.

6) I love dancing, free-style and high, in a crowd with a lot of people.

7) I love fast songs, with a lot of beats and dance-no types, more than the slow romaintic melodies. Many times, I have tried to appreciate deeper, slow, and truly good tracks, but always felt my heart jumping only at fast songs, which others would normally skip.

8) I am always ready to accompany anyone for tea and coffee-anytime. Really. Very rarely have I let down colleagues/friends, who come to my desk and ask- "coffee?" I am never too busy for an interesting conversation/gossip over coffee.

9) I love symmetry in every form, and I get terribly upset when its disturbed. Like if I have arranged a neat pile of ironed clothes and theres one piece sticking out, I get mad and spend time fixing it back in the line. I am almost superstitious that it will break my energy for the day if I dont re-arrange it. Same applies for books on the shelf or a pile of papers.

10) I love walking. Nothing is more perfect or me than a long walk in the evening with good weather, alone or with company. Alone works just fine.

2009-10-30T05:14:00.000-07:00

Life comes to a full circle...

This statement has never been quite clear to me.
This statement has a deeper meaning.
This statement has always fallen on my ears with an uncanny mysterious vibration.

I stood at the gates of BITS Pilani as a fresher, my young heart thumping with excitement. My first impressions of BITS on my first day of my first year could not have been better. Bid a smiling farewell to my tearful Dad and wondered how our reactions clashed at the same event.

I stood at the gates of Meera Bhawan as a psenti-semite,
my heart heavy with grief at leaving the safe haven,
bidding a tearful farewell to my friends,
watched some faces, shut my eyes to save the last glimpse in my eye forever, and wondered if I would ever see it again,
touched the walls of the Bhawan and felt the mere physicality of the place,
hesitant to venture outside the gate of BITS Pilani.
And suddenly, a chill gripped my spine. I was standing at the same spot at which I had stood 4 years back. I was the same person and the changed person, at the same place and the changed place.
Life had come to a full circle.

I watched at the Audio video Codec people in my company, frantically coding in Assembly language, watched the papers thrown around, busy with careless scribbling of trains of 0's and 1's. I would never join the Group I thought. Too Technical. Not for a lazy soul like me.

Five years from then, I watched my colleagues at the Audio Video Codec group, heard my own voice discussing compression fundas with them, flipped through my practise work with a crossword of o's and 1's. Suddenly, I stopped, frozen to the spot.. Circumstances had made me a part of the group, how and when and why dont matter. I was at the same crossroad years back. I was here again. Too technical. For a hard-working soul like me.

Life had come to a full circle.

This will come back to you, he had said. What you have lost will be yours again. The tears you have shed, which evaporated into the mystic clouds, will rain again. The doors you have slammed shut will re-open. The people you have shunned will haunt you again. The story you have brought to an end will re-start. The people you have hurt will hurt you back again. The sacrifices you have made will encash again. The love you have lived will stop for a brief time, and continue again. Everything will be dark for some moment and then there will be light again. You will transition into the next phase- the next level-with higher experiences, but with new faces and same souls again.
Life or Death will come to a full circle again.............

2009-10-13T22:18:00.001-07:00

The Harsh Truth and the Weak Soul

There were certain hard facts that were printed out in white and black blatantly; It read the ugly letters, spelt them out, and dismissed it as a lie in a deperate attempt to make itself feel better. Words were read, but the smug Soul refused to let the meaning and the realisation of that statement sink in. It lived in a well spun cocoon of silken lies- the threads of which were too feeble, full of false substance and dirt, but coated with brialliant colors and polished with ignorance. It ignored the weakness of the very base of its shell, and continued basking in the glory of its outward beauty. The beautiful and delicate silken threads, golden and yellow- shimmering and bright in the golden rays of the sun. It continued looking at them, smiling in content, and proud to have built this brilliant haven. It often saw the threads quivering and swaying with the slightest gust of wind, felt the whole shelter shake at the slightest tremor, felt the threads melt away at the slightest drizzle. Yet It fortified the cocoon, painting it with even more vibrant colors, applying thick coats of transparent reflecting polish. It knew the destruction was inevitable, it knew the doomsday was impending, the fast elusive moments ticking away- each moment bringing it closer. Yet the warmth of the current shelter was so comforting, the dazzle of the varnish so stunningly beautiful, that It did not have the courage to re-locate.

And the inevitable soon takes place..there comes a storm one day, the skies ablaze with forks of ligtning, and the clouds roaring with thunder. The safe shelter comes crashing down with a harsh impact, the threads melting away in a second, the colors washed down with the first few drops of rain, encircling the broken heap in a muddly puddle. Out of the debris, emerges the broken soul, shell-shocked at the damage which happened in a split second. No intitial tremors to give a prelude to the crash, the cocoon collapsed at the very first jolt, not strong enough to let the refugee Soul run away in serach of other shelters,not enough time to grasp the situation. It collapsed, cried for a few minutes, wiping away the tears, knowing that it was something It knew would happen one day.

In the midst of the devastation- dawns the Truth, which has always been escaped. The realisation of the harsh and bitter Potion trickles down the Soul like fresh moist cement seeping between the bricks and fortifying them. The enlightened Soul looks at the wreckage, glancing at its own folly, looks at the muddy colors with regret, and then steels itself. It smiles at the shattered pieces of glass. 'Now there will be a strong and safe shelter, built neither in haste, nor painted with false varnish'.It sets off on a long stroll, to re-build its home once again...looking for solid stones baked in the strong harsh heat.

2009-05-13T03:13:00.000-07:00

Wishlist

I stare aimlessly at the ceiling....My mind is crammed up with unknown thoughts...I stretch a little in an effort to drive out the fatigue from my muscles...After setting the alarm for 6am, I shut my eyes tightly and wait...wait for my senses and my body to sleep..I can actually feel my senses spin and my mental eye flashing a collage of scenes..I can see the Marathalli Road traffic bottleneck, the zig-zag roads unevenly lined with tall buildings and shabby huts...of pedestrians walking at the side of the road where the bus stops are, of cars angrily honking, of millions of bikes crawling.......NO..I shut my eyes tighter...my ears now seem to burst with the cacophony of people chattering in the cafetaria and the deafening Kannada music playing in the SISO cab...I can smell the mixed flavour of North Indian food and idli dosa and pizza bread. I take a deep breath, turn over the other side and try to think of pleasant sights. There comes the vivid imagery of Bangalore Central mall..with fluoroscent yelloes-greens-red merchandise on display, with every nook and corner zammed with clothes, with mannequins staring coldly and smiling mechanically, of cash center queues, of people flocking in large numbers at the entrance of the Mall....I take a deeper breath now and try to copy-paste some pleasant soothing sight from my memory into my mental imagery...NONE absolutely..

Why is life a mere slave to the clock..mercilessly and perfectly ticking away..? Why has free will been supressed by deadlines and alarm bells and schedules? Why has the random and the spontaneous been governed by the rigidly and tightly planned? Why has the freedom to stroll lesisurely been trampled by this rat-race?

2008-11-27T02:13:00.000-08:00

That laughter which makes your stomach ache...

I am actually not the kind of a person who can generously shower giggles at the drop of a hat..(yes..the very famous Mrs Aishwarya Rai has mastered the act of doing it in all her interviews)...There are a lot of women who can suddenly just flash a dazzling-lipstick-bordered set of teeth and let out an artificial cackling noise..simultaneously also raising one of their hands to slap the back of anyone in close proximity....I have not seen many Men feigning a good laugh..somehow strangely, I feel this is a behavioural trait of women only...not all..but quite a few. And most of the times, I have noticed girls letting out an ugly forced giggle only to give a moral boost to their dates or boy-friends, ..'yes we do find your sick jokes funny...yayyyyyy..so funnyyy'.....I wonder how can someone let out a laugh which is not spontaneous...

For me, the problem is different...Most of the times when genuine good jokes are cracked, I am the one to have a silent laugh much later....laughing after 10 mins of the joke when everyone else has already had theirs, would make things obvious...somehow double-meaning jokes having subtle undertones have never been understood by me in one go...i am getting better at them lately :D...

But my most vivid memories of laughing non-stop till my stomach ached..have been those of Bits'..I can never forget the "Report Writing" Class in 2nd year where the instructor just had a very Hindi accent to his spoken English and just could not pronounce certain syllables..What made every class of his a laughing riot was his affinity for female students..he made eye contact with only the fairer sex...we alwats got the highest marks in all class discussions and debates..and guys were treated as under-dogs in his class..he would just ignore them and focus only on the girls..he could not pronounce "ch"..."ch" had to be "s" for him...so one day he was just discussing oral communication and the imporatnce of looking into the eye of the person whom u talking to...and He looks at Meenali who just could not take the crap anymore...."I am your teaser for this class...and I am teasing you for the past 1/2 an hour..maintain eye contact with me.."...there were suppressed giggles and knowing smiles exchanged..but I just couldnt help roaring with laughter...I was shaking all over and my face was flushed red...and contagious as it can get, it soon spread all over..and everyone laughed at his face..that did little to deter him in speaking nonsense...

There was another such absolutely hilarious scene which happened in a meeting room in Samsung premises...the freshers batch of 2004 had just joined Samsung..and we had induction for a few days..one of the senior guys had to give a presentation on the use of XML..there was a metal piece jutting out from the wall..meant to be a duster holder...he paced up and down furiously while delivering the lecture and he just brushed past the duster stand..the sharp metal piece cut across his trousers and we heard a screehing sound.......He was so embarrased and just darted out of the meeting room...I dont think I have ever laughed so much as I did that day...he re-entered the scene this time with his shirt not tucked in...and hanging loose over his trousers to cover the torn patch...that was even funnier!!

I wish something hilarious happens at home or office which would make me laugh..really laugh..

2008-06-27T05:42:00.000-07:00

Mediocrity

I now realise that I have always shuddered at the thought of submitting myself to mediocrity, in some way or the other...a chill grips my spine as it dawns on me that I am falling prey to the fatalism of being average in whatever i do, of being the routine nine-to-five office goer who diligently swipes the employeed card at the office gate every morning, of being that one in a herd of bored metro inhabitants who swarm to multiplexes in large numbers to indulge in a masala hindi movie, of being reduced to a mere employee number in a firm whose strength has reached just over a thousand...of being one of the millions of engineers who passed out in 2004..I dont do anything different from what the whole world is doing...we all are a part of that great mob called the general class, who do the same thing..How many lives have we touched? When was it last that we spurred people to think about us?? Will our work, on which we take immense pride and which got us the last gold medal or double promotion ,be remembered, once we are no more?? ....all the papers we scribbled into will all be blotted out and recycled..the books on which we burnt midnight oil, trying to read them hard, will be lying in an old attic somewhere...their pages yellowed and beaten by the winds of time...and the arduous frenzied handwriting of ours all faded into oblivion...into the vast emptiness of time..all my thoughts penned on this blog will lead to a dead link one day....lost in cyber space...

2008-06-18T02:05:00.000-07:00

Why just present?

Re-living those rose-tinted memories, fulfilling your deepest desires, and realizing your silver-hued starry dreams is how some of us live. Dont we project ourselves into the unknown realms of the future, to predict the unforeseen? Does nt our imagination outpace our present to give us golden hopes of happy moments, waiting to be lived ahead? Dont we practice imaging day and night, mentally sketching ourselves being successful/happy/rich years from now? I remember the dark dingy dormitory of Welham, books and papers strewm around, nerves pulsating with increasing tension and stress. I remember feeling the impending danger of 12th boards, and the horrifying images of missing top scores and landing in local engineering colleges. That present was endurable, because of that one glance I had stolen of a BITS Pilani prospectus online, that one surreal impulse thought of perhaps landing there. What we believe in, manifests automatically in our imagination. Whatever are our deepest desires are spun sub-consciously into magical dreams, even when we want to shun them. And it is this power of mental imaging which mutates the dismal present, and makes us bring the painted canvas of unseen future into reality.

Why should I only live in the present, if my present has nothing to offer besides worry, regret and failure? I prefer to live in the future..planning things ahead, shuffling my moves here and there in the vast chequered chessboard of life....I draw inspiration from the milestones achieved in the past...Happy memories instantly brighten my present, casting a supernatural dusky glow to the dark mortal moments..I refuse to live in the present, if its a moment of despair, failure, embarrasment, regret or dejection. I prefer to live the present by recalling the past and planning the future.

2008-03-21T02:59:00.000-07:00

Elusive...

My spirit flutters its wings noisily, restless under the numerous chains of doubt hindering its flight. When can i break open the shackles which lie between me and unbounded freedom..estatic happiness..the mellow warm feeling of contentment and achievement..Aahh achievement..this word so elusive...its limits so deceptive..its expanse so far-stretched like the horizons of the sea..we grope around in the darkness to get a touch of its dazzling light...to hold the sense of achievement in our fist only to find it drifting away from our reach like clouds of smoke..why does the human spirit with its uninhibited enthusiasm seeks goals beyond its reach, spins brilliant dreams which make It feel exhasuted and subdued...why do we feel we can grow the wings of talent and labour to beat the mounting deadlines, to suppress the monotony, to race past all the bars placed on the track...only to find we are a lil past where we started.
Why does the light at the end of the tunnel look so alluring and unknown..why cant i find a reasonable goal for myself? why cant i find an unreasoanble one which will not look unworthy once i reach it?

I look at the setting sun from the lonely beach..where is the other end of the sea....Should I set sail in search of some other anchor? Or, should I take off for the night sky, to go pluck out the twinkling stars and sprinkle them over the water ripples...?

Can i come back to this safe known coastline?

2008-03-19T21:12:00.000-07:00

Humbled...

Sometimes there are days when the most unassuming people leave an indelible mark in your memory..they leave you thinking....they leave you humbled...but I never did imagine that one simple expression of a person would change my outlook towards people forever...

One such day happened when I used to work in the millers road facility of my office...those were the times when the study phase of our project had turned out to be longer than the implementation phase [:D] and we were under tremendous pressure to deliver on time.....every evening at around 5:30pm, I used to go for a walk till Sigma Mall which had just newly opened then..I had made it a daily ritual to have a cup of steamed corn, with or without company..this walk and refreshment was a welcome break from work and gave me time to think over my days work..

That day had partcularly been tiring as i had skipped lunch...I ordered corn and a chocolate milk shake and a bhelpuri, one after the other...on the way back, stopped by a provisions store and impulsively got a chocolate bar...skipping lunch gives u that psychological edge to pamper your hunger with all the goodies life has to offer, specially chocolates....

After settling down in office, i felt my stomach churn...a sudden surge of pain started right from my guts and raced upwards..I couldn't move nor breathe......my colleagues had retired to their dens to work, like meeting rooms where they could not be disturbed..The other cubes around my workspace was vacant, as everyone around my area was in Korea..I felt choked and felt the urgency to throw up...it was a severe attack of food-poisoning....I then spotted an office boy pass by, stopped him, gave him a 100 bucks note and asked him to buy me eno and pudinhara pills from the medical store nearby..His face turned sympathetic at once and reflected the pain I was going through..he was back in less than fifteen mins with the ordered items..

I gave him the most grateful smile I could manage...he came back with a glass of water while I was tearing apart the sachets...after around 10 mins, i felt my strength rushing back and the cramps disappear...suddenly it occured to me that i hadnt even thanked the office boy who had run the errand for me...

"How are you feeling Madame?"....I heard a timid shy voice behind me...I turned back to find the office boy..i thanked him and pushed fwd the change, which was lying on the desk, saying "For you..buy some sweets"...his expression immediately changed to one of utter dismay.....he nodded his head vehemently, and walked away...leaving me gaping at the change with which i had tried to express my gratitude for his genuine concern...Can such little acts of humanity be repaid by extending some odd cash?

I will forever remain indebted to this selfless person who helped me in my hour of instense pain and helpnessness...This incident brought two important changes in my life..changed my outlook towards office boys and other support staff more than ever...and I have started detesting steamed corn....the mere sight of it repulses me..

2008-03-17T03:42:00.000-07:00

Tumhaaraa time time, aur humaara time kuch bhee nahi? :(

I hate people who try to barge in before the other people waiting in a queue already. This shameful act is so insulting to others who have spent anything between 5 minutes to half an hour waiting. As in, are we foooolllsss, who have spent our time in the queueu, following some discipline? What gives you the shamefulness to disregard other people's time and just value yours urgently? Were u a VIP to proudly make your appearnace? How can you nod at your friend silently in the queue and join it, pushing the other people behind?

Today in the cafetaria, i saw one smart-ass approaching the queue for breakfast grinning at his friend, who immediately pushed himself backward to give the smiling-idiot some space. I felt something choke me. I clenched my teeth, instructing myself to let it just go. But my anger got the better of me.

Me (trying to keep my face straight and my voice soft) : "Excuse me! Can you please follow the queue???" (##$%$%%#!^&^*****)

Smiling idiot (taken aback for a split second): "Err..Umm..Oh actually I had been waiting few minutes back and I have rejoined".

Me (not convinced and this time find myself shrugging my shoulders and raising my eyebrows): "So?????"

Smiling Idiot dint know what to do. He continued to stand where he was, and I turned away with an oh-no-use-talking-to-you-incorrigible-fools expression. But the silence which followed our short exchange was weird (:D). I failed to notice that now there were other people specially ladies who were now glaring at the smiling idiot, who was no longer smiling but nervous under the stares. After some 3 minutes, he left and rejoined the queue at its rear. Good for him!!! People may think I was rude to correct him but then, I have no regrets.

2008-03-12T21:34:00.000-07:00

Stray thoughts from Maldives to Bollywood to Army...

The rich turquoise of the tranquil sea, the pale greens of its coral growth lining, the dull whites and browns of the beach sand, the crimson of the evening sky reflecting on the waves, the viviacious reds-yellows-oranges of the happy tourists on its atolls, and the inexplicable serenity full of these lovely colors which sweeps over me whenever i chance upon any picture of this heavenly abode....so secluded and free of the maddening din of the city......If a mere glance of the pictures of Maldives could give me such a heavenly feeling of being in a paradise, I cant help wonder what the atolls and the sea will do to me if I actually land there!!! and feel the skin of my bare feet sinking in the fine-grained beach sand, feel my hair dancing to the tunes of the fresh sea-side breeze, feel the soulful music of the waves lashing mightily on the coast, feel the never-ending expanse of the deep blue-green-indigo of the Ocean....and feel myself so close to everything which is simple, clean, pure and so close to divinity...A dream holiday like this could be so healing....

A look at the sky-rocketing prices of the Resorts there are enough to give a rude jolt to my dreams of holidaying there....the lovely water resort in the Kurumbha island of Maldives has water villas with a private pool and real privacy and the most breath-taking scenic beauty...and demands a wallet parameter of twenty-four thousand in INR per night...and could be even more in peak season....

Oh God, I envy Kareena who has been recently gifted a diamond ring worth 1 crore and a holiday in Goa by a chartered private jet...rather I envy Saif who can at any point of time take off on his private jet to MALDIVES with amrita-rosa-kareena or any gorgeous lady he picks up (how does it matter)....gosh!! the rich-and-the-famous in Bollywood need not nervously weigh the heart-attack inducing hotel prices..and what did i hear!!...even a sidee and a comedian like Rajpal Yadav in Bollywood demands 50lakhs-1 crore for a few days of shooting....50 lakhsssss!!!...thats the price for which a salaried professional in Bangalore sweats his entire life to buy a 2 bedroom flat in the suburbs...

For the past few weeks...the Mallyas-Zintas-Wadias-Khans have been hogging the news..I hear the bids for our cricket players in the IPL...6 crores to Mahendar Singh Dhoni for playing few matches..for a game which you can lose..as in you can always say "It was a team effort- the boys played well..blah blah...we have lost...but we put up a brave fight....blah blah"....and get paid such a huge huge sum..as in I know the Indian skipper has slogged hard for where he is now..BUT 6 crores!! doesnt everyone work hard to get a sum which is a miniscule fraction of the fee which he demands..sorry commands!!!...and every Indian player after the recent Australia tour has been given a prize sum of 58 lakhs over and above thier match fee...WHAT...58 lakhs...Yuvraj was gifted 1 crore for his 6 sixes in the recent 20-20 world cup...a whoooping 1 crore as a gift from some state govt or central govt.....they get their much deserved credit in the instant stardom which they are blinded with...the fame and the love of their millions of fans in the world..the 3 or 5 crore cheques handed to them by their brand endorsements.....their match fees amounting to several millions..

They are players giving the masses some solid entertainment with their game...and they are gifted flats from Sahara and huge prize money from the Government.....do they deserve these hefty cheques more than others who fight but dont play for India?? They are cricketers....they are NOT soldiers who die fighting on the borders..they are not the Army Lieutenants who have just come back after witnessing bloodshed on the field or the ordinary Jawan who lays down his life for the country, leaving behind a grieving mother or a stone-struck wife...For what!!! for us to not even remember their names..leave aside the money..do we even remember them like we remember Shahrukh or Dhoni!!!!!!!!!! They din provide us those few hours of cricket-or-movie watching entertainment...they merely gave up their lives for our security..

2008-01-30T03:57:00.000-08:00

Sudoku

I have been hooked to Sudoku lately.....check out www.websudoku.com evil level...the puzzles are based on a simple yet powerful rule...Its great fun....so much so that I dont call it a day until I have broken my head over atleast 2 evil sudoku puzzles... :D

I will soon become a Sudoku champ!! yayyy!!

2008-01-30T01:04:00.000-08:00

Wonders of the subconscious..

What are dreams actually? Why do we dream one day and not another?

Why are the thoughts of our subconscious mind unravelled in this way...that we actually have no control over them?

Do dreams convey a message, or warn us about an impending danger, or anything of any significance?

I have heard enough stories saying spirits find it easier to attach to our subconscious than the conscious mind, and pass on what they have to say through dreams, which often make more than normal sense to the dreamer. I partially do believe in this theory (God knows why) though i have never heard anyone testifying to me to take it as evidence!!

Last year, I had read many interesting articles on lucid dreaming by a psychic called Erin Pavlina....in which you are on a higher plane than the usual subconscious self, and can vividly see events and feel them as if they were actually happening. But after last to last night, I could not help wonder why our mind spins meaningless and nonsensical dreams sometimes, and why we fail to realise while dreaming that its all a farce..why do we feel so real sometimes in witnessing events in dreams..that we actually laugh or cry and worry about the events in our sleep...huh!!!
Was i lucid dreaming last to last night? If not, why was I horrified and extremely worried in my sleep about what was to happen?

How I wish I could produce some clouds and bubbles in this post to transport you gracefully to my dreamy world :( !! Here it goes-

The first sight I dreamt was of the garage in my residence in Siliguri...I saw myself hiding carefully behind the entrance of the garage, trying to peep in. Something was not right. A tensed unearlthly silence hund around the space...something evil...something which had sensed my presence. I dismissed my fears, and got back to my work.

The second scene of my dream was again my garage...I was again near the entrance of the garage, and since I somehow knew that the something in the garage could see me even if I was behind the door, I this time came forward and stood at the entrance, though never daring to step inside.
I could see nothing so far....I was about to turn around when something caught my eye..I glanced down...4 steps away from my feet lay the strangest creature I had ever seen or imagined. It was a creature with the body of a baby and the face of a very wrinkled old man....NOOOOOOO.....the old face was somehow not human..it had large dark eyes..larger than normal humans..and the ears were five times the normal size..sagging to the shoulder of the body of this strange being.
I did not raise alarm. I just turned around, and walked away. The creature too acted as if it had not seen me.

MY GOD..what was that!!!!! I later saw my ex-boss of my firm driving down to my house and eavesdropping. I caught him, and asked him to explain what the hell was going on. He actually told me that there was a very evil and powerful magician, who wanted our house to himself. WHY Ours??? o god....Was I dreaming :)? He was exaggerating stuff and beating around the bush..sadistically noticing my expressions..giving those dramatic pauses...HUH..I took him to a coffee shop, and pleaded to him to be quick [ Lo! even in my dream, i found myself at the mercy of my boss for information ;)] He told me the magician was very powerful, that the only secret he knew was that the magician's supernatural powers could melt at the sight of green emeralds. He had given me a powerful key- maybe I could pull my family outta this mess. He somehow vanished in thin air, and I caught another lady walking down the streets to explain stuff. O GOD..everyone in the city knew about the mess we were in..all strangers in the coffee shop knew the story of the magician trying to usurp our property..The lady was about to explain me more..when the scene was wiped out and I saw myself in my House walking in my brothers room. He was asleep on his bed...at 7 pm??? I then stormed in my Mom's room..She too was asleep...Something was wrong there..Did they also know like everyone else in town did? Obviously they did u fool... I told myself and was angry at my inability to look beyond the obvious and taking so much time to get to the depth of the matter.

I looked around for my dad..and spotted him near the dining area...Paaaaaapaaaa...my eyes cried out....I looked at him silently.a look which made it clear to him that I had got to know at last..I screamed out aloud...accused everyone of not sharing this strange shit with me...but before I could yell more.. I saw him busy breaking down huge green blocks...he was cutting them into rectangular pieces which looked like green soap cakes...They were trying hard to fight the evil monster....I ran to my Moms room...the pillow seemed unnaturally shapeless and hard..I looked inside the pillow..It was stuffed with those green soap cakes...I ran to my brothers room..The same was the case with his pillow..My dad was making sure all of us were safe...and I saw him carefully unwrapping a pouch full of deep green emeralds....He spoke very less...he just signalled things to me...the next scene was of my terrace where I saw the strange magician...who looked like PC Sorcar Junior- suspended in mid-air..few feet away from the terrace flooring .I chickened out at this strange sight...not knowing where to run :(..and that scene was the last I saw. I wish I coukd have dreamt further, and seen my Dad bashing up the magician and that ugly spy of his- that strange creature to pieces.

End of dream...The remaining hours of my sleep were spent worrying about my family and our house...I was actually figuring out ways to smuggle more of rich powerful dark green emeralds into the house...I woke up with this dream being one of the most vivid and scariest of all.....

This was a very very strange experince....But one sec hold on..now that I had woken up...I still could not get rid of the sight of that haunting ugly wrinked creature...I had seen him somewhere...where..where....I thought hard..Suddenly when I was taking a walk aftre dinner with Amit, something struck me. That ugly creature was on one of the cards...playing cards..O shit..I had played Harry Potter UNO game with my nephew..and the creature was etched in opne of the cards..O God..it was the house-elf..Dobby? I thought..No it couldnt have been Dobby..he was damn adorable and i loved him in harry potter..one of my fav characters..how could he scare me in my dreams..It must have been that house elf guarding Blacks House...Have I read too much of Harry Potter?????????? Slowly, everything in the dream fell to place. I had seen the ex-boss because I had thought a lot about him lately..before you start thinking whyyy hmmm ;)..let me tell you that I was considering moving back to my old team recently....
And I had been missing home lately. Not only the people..but the warmth and hearth of my house....the mere physicality of that lovely place called Siliguri.......

That dream was meant to tell me that I should plan my next trip to Home very soon..its been 8 months...I miss home...

2007-11-27T01:07:00.000-08:00

My Godmothers wedding

I plunged into wedlock much before my Godmother did..but that doesnt make me a lesser goddaughter!! after all, Godmother herself descended to Guwahati to grace my wedding..she smiled knowingly at me and my Husband..as if sealing and approving our match with her sipritual wisdom...she extended her hand over our heads to shower on us her blessings..i could then see the halo behind her illuminated face, radiant with the happiness to see her godchild married ...how blessed i felt to have a Godmother like her...i have always acted on her whims and fancies...SO DO SOME PEOPLE THINK!!!!
Amit thinks Zans is my godmother, that she has advised me on everything, with something as trivial as planning the dress i shud wear on his first birthday -- to the very decision of marrying him!!! He thinks i must have borrowed wisdom frm her, whenever i have talked anything that has made the slightest sense to him!! that I have always followed her advice my four years in BITs from acads to men to marriage...God knows how such weird ideas enter his head...overhearing a secret girlie-girlie conversation between us over the phone is no proof of the fact that i have a godmother in her!!!..only if He would not be so conceited on deciphering this supposedly best-guarded secret Truth!!

Zans weds Mrityunjaya....a testimony to the fact that certain things are just meant to be..specially when two people are determined to spend their lives together, come whatever may...what started as a mere tripping and teasing session in the summers of 2002 in Bits..culminated into holy marriage...!!! we have seen the two of them graduating from acquaintainces to friends, from friends to being each others support system..and now to life partners.

The wedding was something I was looking forward to from a long time........and it was worth the wait...we all had tons and tons of fun....decking up for hours before very wedding function..the numerous snaps we posed for...the heart-to-heart midnight conversations we shared...mine and lipi's descperate craving for tea every morning ....aditi parida's nonstop chattering over anything stupid and trivial...the amazing andhra delicacies served...the dawn adventure of the students hostel...to the 1/2 hour shopping session we stole while making 2 people wait for us in the airport :D....we had amazinggggggggg funnnnnnnn!!!

i always knew shilpa was demented..but my worst suspicions got confirmed this wedding..just the day before the wedding, there were a lot of gusets at zans place and Uncle had arranged for our acco in a students hostel...there were 8 beds in a room..and there was hot water available in the common area before the room...we all slept at 1:30 only to have to make it to the wedding venue at 7:30 am...suddnely i hear some disturbance around me and i wake up..i see shilpa right in front my eyes, with a towel in her hand...i glanced at my watch...5:20am!!!!!!! how could somebody wake up at this unearthly hour and that too, get up staright and head for a bath..i later learnt that she had woken up at 3..and was preparing for her beauty bath since then..i tried shutting my eyes again..fell into a half-sleepy state when i just opened my eyes to see a very old lady staring at me in my room........!!!!! heavens!!! i woke up lipi..and we both giggled and screamed at shilpa..only to know that this lady had followed shilpa to the room who had whacked her hot water bucket frm the common area!!! so much for an early shower!! huh!!!

Weddings are so much fun...yayyyyyyyyyy!!!!!!! Here is wishing both of them a very very happy married life!!

2007-11-05T21:06:00.000-08:00

From Leela to GoldFlinch to ...@#$$%^&*@@ !!!!!!!!

" Namrata Gidra, We are please to inform you that you are nominated for a training programme in Leela Palace on RTOS starting from the 23 -26 Oct.............................."

WHATTTTTTTTT? I couldnt believe my eyes...it just cant be true......i felt a stone noisily turn inside me...i...i felt the dams of boredom and monotony slowly open themselves in front of me..........to unleash a gushhhhh of unbounded excitementtttttt.....my eyes almost popped out...my hearttttttt swelled upppppppp......my limbs moved a lil nervously now.......Leeeelaaa Palace........!!!!!!!!!!!! UMMMAHHHH....The grandeur of the architecture..the sheer elegance of the interiors...the lovely royal sophisticated ambience..and a wholsesome 4 days to spend there!!..I wanted to jump excitedly 12-13 times at the same spot in my office cube to realease my excitement which was now overwhelming mee!!! I hve always welcomed training programs in between hectioc work schedules....the thought of leaning back comfortably in a chair with arms folded and pretending to listen intelliently to the lecture in progress has always excited me!!

But then a greyyyyyyy cloud loomed dangerously over my sunnnnnyyyyy excitement- I always knew how tentative the venues could be in office...how i could be asked to attend to an urgent piece of task at work and forget about the training...how in the past, my lovely dreams of attending trainings and meetings in 5 stars were shattered...about how my daily routine could never become <5> routine even for a couple of days....how always my innocent excitement of something as trivial as a training in a grand hotel was was killed by a re-announcement later!! I thought of keeping my excitement to myself and uttered a silent prayer to let this happen this time....pls God...!!! just this time!!! I nodded at myself with a purpose...I was immensely proud of my decision to guard my little secret..and waited for the right moment to make this news public to the lesser mortals in office who were not nominated for this grand training!! :D :D Ohhhh how i smiled to myself in calculated measure :)))))))))!!! Hmmm..in the tea break at 11:30 in training, me will grab a walnut brownie in the Barrista in leela and after 5:30pm in the evening, may be I could go for bowling in Amoeba at Leela...he he he...life would be fun..thought my over-excited brain...!!

Next day at work, I enter my office cube with a spring at every step..drop my bag at the desk and open my mail, humming a cheerful bollywood number which lingered around in my brain after the morning FM.."Kachee kaliyaan naa todo....maalan dengi gaaliyaaaannnn :D laaaaaaa laaaaaa.......laaaaaahhhhhhh.....hhhhhHUUUUUUHHH"...my humming stopped midway...

"Namrata Gidra, this is to inform you that there is a change of venue for the RTOS Training...Kindly note the venue below: Gold Flinch, Race Course Road, Near Taj Residency"....

GoldFlinch what the hell is that???? the lovely melody of the hindi no in my mind was replaced with a mixed cacophony of shattered glass and screeching brakes.......SCREEEEEEEECHHH...No No No....Leela Palace was a blur now....But what is GoldFlinch..a training institute? A hotel? A what??? I typed GoldFlinch in the Google edit box andddddd.....lo! the results: "GoldFlinch...4-star boutique hotel..Race Course Road......" along with a lovely picture of the place on the left side....

The stone turned again...the dam re-opened!!!.......Hmm..Not bad at alll!!....a 4-star for a 5-star which I have already visited a million times...well GoldFlinch would be an even better experience, I decided....I have never been there before....well, my relentless excitement surged all over me again...and the rudely-interrupted-melody resumed..."Kacheeeee kaliyan hum naaaaaa tode, le jaaaaaayennnn pooora baaageechaaa..laaaa laaaaaaaa"....:D........

"Ok Giddy...Done..Confirmed..Sealed", I told myself...."now you have nothing to be scared of....". I called up Mummy back home in Siliguri and just thought how lucky she is to be the first one to hear about the GoldFlinch Plan...

Me : "Mummmmy Mummmieeeeeee sunooooo"...

Mummy : "Kya huaaaa!! Huaaaaaa kya beta????"

Me: "Mummie next week I am in a training in Goldflinch. Thats a 4 star boutique hotel Mammaaa...Imagine- I will be there for 4 days in that luxury..Such a change in my normal routine...Ohhh mummmmyyyyyyyy!!!!" I was scared I should not breakdown :(

Mummy: "Beta theek hai.....lekin isss main itnaa excited hone ki kya baaaat hai???? u are talking as if you have never been to a luxury hotel"

Me: "Please mummy, why dont u understand...to be there at your own expense on weekends and to be there for a training in weekdays with your colleagues is totally different!!!!!!!! Its a very big thingggggg!! Should I wear the black coat i bought last year??? I think it looks veryy formal!"

Mummy: "Its ok...I am very happy for you betaaa...keep me posted..Ok I am lil busy..Will hang up now"

Such a mild reaction from my Mom!!!She was always very enthusiastic about my achievements..She had always expressed her heartfelt happiness on every achievment of mine, however small it had been!! And this was Big..how could she dismiss it so matter-of-fact-ly. Anyways I had better things to occupy my mind...And I started vigorously planning!!!

Me: Amit, You know the training venue is confirmed....so excitttttting..GoldFlinch....

Amit: Ok..good for you...

Me : What nonsense! Such things dont happen everyday Amit!! Nothing doing!! I am dragging you to Adigas Delicacy for Breakfast now that I wont have to go to office premises for 4 days....and you should drop me to GoldFlinch in the morning..Its not far from your office"

Amit: Okkkk! Ok!

Me: "and listen!! I love the Idlis and Dosas in Adigas....I will carry a newspaper and we can spend around an hour there...It will be on the way to Goldflinch after all....andddd...you can join me for lunch there on the 3rd dayyy...please you are my esteemed guest there...i will pay for ur lunchhhh...listen!! you can pick me up from there in the evening...and we can go to some place closeby for dinner..and listen...we can also.... ---------!"

Amit: "Giddy please...please chilll..its just a training....if something happens and you are not able to go___"

Me : "How dare you say such things!! I always knew you would never be able to relate to my happiness..all you men are like that...and what did you say--- Its just a training???..it means a lottt to me OKKK..I dun go and stay in Hyaatt on every buisness trip like you do....I always knew you will not feel happy for my achievements...:( :( :( "

My mind was racing...Friends..what are friends for????? I immediately remembered Lipi and pinged her on Yahooo...

Me: Lipi Lippppyyyyy!!

Lipi: what happ Giddy?

Me: Lipi guess what?? I am going on a training on 4 days...

Lipi: thats nice where??

Me: Lipi, its Goldflinch 4-star boutique hotel. I just checled out their website...the conference room photos looked amazing there...I fancied myself there..I am planning to wear my black formals...

Lipi: WOOOOOOOOwwwieee..good giddy goooodd! i am so happy for you!!

Me : Thanks Lipi!!! you are a sweetheart..join me for lunch there..will be nice to see you in the lunch break!

Lipi: sure!! tuesday will come there...

Me: Fine!! Done then!!!

I always knew Lipi was one person who could always resonate my frequency...she is such a darlinggggggggg....she put so much of enthu..good goodd!!

Me to Mom-in-Law : Mummy, I am on a training for 4 days in 4star

Mummy: Thats great..betaaa...will be a good change for you....thats amazing newssss!!!

I beamed at her....she undertood...she understood....women always understand each other....

Tuesday my training would start.....and the weekend before I had good fun planning...the news spread far and wide..God knows how!! and the weekend flewww...
Monday Morning blues were no longer blue....the last day of office in this week yayy.. I happily told myself when i opened my Monday Morning Mail....

"Namrata Gidra, please note that due to some operational problems, the training will now be held in our office premises in Level 3 Training Room 3....Inconvenience caused is regretted.."

2005-11-17T21:53:00.000-08:00

RIGHT AAAAAAAN?????

There are stages to everything. You are upset about something,but you dont want to complain. It happens again and you find yourself complaining. When it happens repeatedly,you dont feel like saying anything...when you know that your own cribbing is not going to change things around you..and that comfortable numbness takes control of you..the same comfortable numbness which speaks that you have given up and will passively gulp it down.
Well, i have been gripped with the same numbness in my reactions to the Bangalore auto-rickshaw guys now. Yes. I am the kinds who HAS to give some 1.5 hrs of her daily life to sitting inside an auto on my way to office and back home.
Me (with a v tired expression after a day of work at office and those Pl-dont-say-no type looks): Bhaiyaaaa...CV raman nagar..???Auto guy looks at me as if i have just committed some heinous crime at the mere mention of this place and that he is been rendered unholy by it. He gives me a 10-sec bewildered stare and speeds off.
I catch sight of another vacant auto-rick.Me (trying to sound v enthued): Bhaiyaaaa....Bhaiyaaa..CV_______The auto-guy loses no time in just racing his vehicle away from the spot.I am left gaping..with my hand still in a position as if its trying to stop an auto..and my words still in my mouth.I realise that the auto is gone and swallow the "__raman Nagar" which the auto guy didnt wait to listen.
I see another auto speeding towards me.

Me(almost scared at how the rejection ll be this time!) : Bhaiyaaa..CV raman nagar? Auto guy(To my surprise!): Yes
I am neither happy nor sad. Not releived either. Its just another day! Its just routine. I hop inside the auto. But the auto doesnt start.
Auto guy (grinning and flashing a perfect set of yellow teeth): Madam- 1 and a half meter. I dont look at the watch to check the time for the 10'o clock threshold. I dont argue. I just nod and ask him to carry on.
The auto is speeding its way on Old Madras Road. There were so many things racing past in that speeding auto..dust-pollution- that my mind was a blur if not a blank. I am partially woken up frm my half-dead state by a faint murmur.
I find myself sitting inside an auto..with vehicles arnd waiting for the traffic signal to turn green so that they cud take a right turn for CMH Road. I open my mental eye and realise its the auto walla asking me--- "Right..Aaaaa????"
I thought all auto guys knew that CMH road is a right turn from Old Madras road. I thought all the BMTS buses lined up behind and auto-ricks on the sides..were waiting all this while for that one right turn to CMH Road. Anyways I thought he is just asking for the heck of it..I nodded and managed a faint "Yes".
Suddenly I hear the vehicles screech..The signal has just turned Green. The auto waala guy turns back and asks.."Righttt..AAAANNN????"
This time i furiously nod and even take out my right hand and point it towards the turn. I still cant figure out why ppl have to suffix a "AAAANNN" if they want to confirm something. Somethink lIke---If someone asks u ur name and u say "Namrata"..if he isnt sure he heard it ok,he ll be like "Namrata AAANN???" Why God? Why this AAAANN?? :(
Suddenly I could hear ppl shouting behind me. They were the drivers of the vehicles behind us. They were blowing their horns angrily. My auto-walla was still not taking the turn. He turned back again to confirm- "Right AAAANN????????????"
I found myself shrieking at the top of my voice.."YESSSSSS...RIGHT...RIGHTTTT TTTTURN".I dont know where I got the energy, but i was yelling. After a split second, I also added- "AAAAANNNN..RIGHT TURN...AAAAANNN." But it was the "AAAAN" and a period (.) - not that "AAANN" with a ?. I guess he was waiting all this while for that one AAAANNN frm my mouth. He instantly took that much-awaited right turn.
I reached home that day. I thanked God for it and paid the auto-walla.

(By the way!I still dont react to any such daily happenings..have just momentarily disturbed my numbness by writing this post)